Graduation

Well hey there! It’s been a while, like a month it’s been a while. So I have a couple of posts that I’m going to write! This is all about graduation. The feelings, what happened, the friends, and the pictures!

So bad picture but it’s the picture we took right after we had picked up our caps and gowns. Technically this was the day before graduation, but it was a great day that I hold dear to my tender heart.

The day before graduation was like a hot mess. We both donated plasma in the morning and I felt so sick afterwards, which is sort of normal. The weird thing was that it went on for the whole day and cassie was also feeling sick! We were both so so tired, just to the bone didn’t want to do anything, the kind of tired where it’s both not enough sleep and it felt like we had worked out for 5 hours. We were sick to our stomachs and we had to pack everything, because like the good students we were we did nothing over the weekend besides talk about how much we need to pack and then watched YouTube videos.

So we pick up our caps and gowns and took the above photo when we got back into Cassie’s car. I love this picture because you can vaguely tell that cassie and I had just been talking about how much we wanted to throw up but absolutely we’re not allowed to. If we were smart we would have packed during the weekend. We didn’t though and it was Monday and Tuesday was graduation. So we absolutely had to pack today.

We got food at Millhollow and then an hour after we finished eating we started to pack. Our upstairs was unbearably how so we were in minimal clothing while trying to both pack up our entire lives. It was pretty great because we spent the day together, delirious, over heating, feeling vomity, and also feeling this deep sad.

(I’ll talk about the sad in my other post that’s all about cassie G)

Even though it was desperately stressful, I loved it. It was so much fun to just be with cassie and doing what we do. We spent the day chilling with each other and talking and laughing and arguing over what music or podcast we should listen to. I favor music when packing and she favors my brother my brother and me the podcast.

Then much later in the day we got more food, unsuccessfully burned some homework, saw some of Cassie’s friends and ended up talking to them outside on the sidewalk for like 2 hours at 9pm, and then maniesse came! Maniesse stayed over with us and it was perfect. The three of us just get along so perfectly and I felt my heart so much! It was so full of this love that I have for my friends and through it all this underlying sadness that I was going to have to say goodbye.

Anyway. Part one of graduation and the love that I have for my friends!

It’s been a hot minute

Hey there blog! I know it feels like I’ve forgotten about you, but no worries, I haven’t. Life just got busy™. I am going to make more posts about things that have happened that I want to write about, but for now I’m going to just do a brief update. 

It’s 1:21am on July 15, 2017 and I graduate college in 3 days. Wow. I hadn’t thought about it in such short numbers until now. I feel like I’ve just been waiting for this to happen for the past 4 years and now it’s here and I sort of don’t want it to be? I had a plan for my life way back then and that is not what my life looks like now. I’m not going to say what I thought it was going to be like though because there’s no point in dwelling on things that hadn’t happened. But now it’s here! Becca, my mom, and the two kids are driving up through Canada to get here for graduation, and then my dad, Mae, and Macca are flying to Utah on Monday to meet up and then drive up with Nate on Tuesday. There’s a lot happening. 

But tonight and really this whole week, there has been a looming cloud over me saying “you have to say goodbye to chandler, marissa, and bennett, this weekend” and it’s Friday. Chandler and Marissa left today for Yellowstone so I said a brief goodbye on Thursday. Which I loved because I like short and to the point goodbye with a lot of hang out time that leads up to the goodbye. But tonight cassie and I had to say goodbye to Bennett. He came over and spent the evening at our house. He came over at like 10 and left at 1. 

I was holding it together. We said we’ll this is it I think. Gave hugs. Said come over anytime you want tomorrow morning. And then he left to walk home. The door shut. Cassie locked it, looked at me and started to cry. I couldn’t look at her because then I would start crying and I told her this. The good thing is that we made it upstairs before we both really broke down and hugged and cried. Bennett had been an incredible friend this semester. We saw him regularly and he fit into the weird and sometimes odd friendship of me and cassie. He just got along with both of us perfectly. And it wasn’t us saying be friends with us and forcing it, he also wanted to hangout with us. He wanted to see us tonight before he left even though he still had his clean checks to do. And on Thursday he came to the movies with us even though he had an essay to write. And those are just the small and most recent moments. 

I’m so happy we could develop and form this friendship. And that’s what makes tonight so hard. We don’t know if we’re ever going to see each other again! What a horrible thought. It’s true though. This is what no one tells you about college. You make amazing friendships. You get into this awful habit of saying a cheap-o goodbye at the end of the year because you know you’ll see them again. But then senior year happens. And people are going to Colorado, Texas, California, Idaho, and Massachusetts, and you’re not sure when you’re going to see each other again. Some of them, like cassie and Allegra and Kelly, you know you’ll stay in touch and that you’ll see them again. But other friends, you’re not sure. No one knows when you’ll be able to hangout next and see each other.

That’s the sad and awful truth about graduation. I’m beyond excited to see my family again. I haven’t seen any of them since January! It’s been too long. I’m also so excited to see anna and Mal again and be home. But the thought of not knowing when exactly cassie and I are going to be together and if I’ll ever see Bennett again. Man that tears a hole in my heart. 

I love the people that I spent this semester with. I hung out with friends so frequently, we went on adventures, made new rituals, made future plans, and I like to think that we made little impacts on each other’s lives. I’m signing off for now because cassie is currently asleep with her phone on her forehead and laptop still open and bennett hasn’t texted us to tell us that he’s home yet. 

Saying goodbye

It’s 11:33pm on April 6th 2017, it also happens to be the last night that me, kelly, and cassie are going to share a room together. It’s an odd feeling. To see a friend graduate, to know that she’s leaving and 2/3rds of you are staying. I’ve felt off all day, knowing that this is the last time we’ll all be living together. 

How do you say goodbye to one of the first people you met and became friends with and then lives with for three years? I sure as hell don’t know. My stomache has been in weird knots all day, knowing that this is the end. I know I’ll see kelly again, I know, but saying goodbye to her is something I’m not ready for. She’s been my person that I know I can go to and complain about family, friends, boys, classes and she will always be there with a response. We can freak out over cute boys and loud people and scream song in the car until 2am. She’s been my person to talk to. Someone that I know when I just need to complain about things and yell for 15 minutes, she’ll let me and agree with me. I’m so lucky to have such an amazing person as my friend. 

I remember freshman year when we met. It was my first college class ever and I was freaking out, but I remember my mom telling me to just introduce myself. So I’m waiting in the hallway for the class before to leave and I’m saying hi to all these people who are also waiting. I said hi to this girl who just looked like she had it all together. She was nice and friendly so we sat next to each other in class. Our teacher made us do a weird group activity where we had to order pictures. Kelly and I thought that our pictures went near each other and so we were put in a group for the rest of the semester. I’m so grateful for that class and for her. There were so many odd events that lead me to taking that class getting accepted, not checking my email, not knowing what classes I had to take, panicking at 11:30 at night in NC and making my mom register for classes with me, signing up for the last English class avalible that didn’t have a waitlist, and then finally saying hi to this nice girl in the hallway. 

I don’t know how the next semester will go. I’m not sure if I’ll see kelly again, wait no, that’s a lie. I know I will. I love her so much and she has impacted my life in such a beneficial way that I could never not be in touch with her. I don’t know how we’ll say goodbye. Probably tomorrow night in our beds and crying. But it will be sweet, tender, and just a little awkward. Just like us. 

Someday I’ll show her this post and we can cry about how old we are, how we’re still friends and how I probably forgot some detail, but for now this is a post for me. So I can remember this little point in time when I lived with two of my best friends and I had to say goodbye to them.