Frustrations of Finals Week

Finals week is coming up and so therefore tensions are high, annoyances are worse, homework is terrible, and sleep is non-exsistant. This finals week is a little harder than most, all because my dear sweet Kelly is graduating and she’ll be gone from us. It’s incredibly sad to think about, I’m going to miss her so much! She has been part of every year of my college life and I’ve lived with her more semesters than not and I’ve loved it. Has it been hard and has it made our relationship struggle at times; yes. But what friendship hasn’t had this hard struggle at times, especially when you consider the fact that I’ve lived with her for the past two years. But I love her so deeply and so much. She has been such an amazing friend to have up here. She’s guided me in so many ways, made me laugh so hard and made me feel better about all of the netflix that I was watching.

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12:40 pm scrolls on instragm aren’t good for your mental health

Okay. So many emotions are happening right now and I was going to text it all to Maniesse but then the other part of my brain said, “blog it”. So here we are. My instagram feed is full of couples and it’s making me sad. I’m usually not one to get upset over not being in a relationship but this week has been hard. Here’s my big secret(among many) and it’s that I do want to be married. I want to be with someone. I want to have cuddles and kisses and late Saturday mornings and the getting ready for church. I want to watch movies and cuddle and fall asleep together. I want them to drag me out of bed to do fun things and to laze around all day doing nothing. J want to be in a relationship. It’s really pathetic and I hate that I want it and I hate that I’m not in one. I sometimes struggle a lot with the fact that I’m not dating anyone and that I’m not married. The reason for that is because I have a lot of things that need work right now and I’m probably not ready. But it’s still hard to see relationships and to not be in one. I want to be and yet I’m not. I’m not popular on dating apps, I don’t have a lot of friends, I have The issue, I don’t go on a lot of dates, and I’m just not that girl. 

It’s really hard and I hate that pit of envy that I get every time I see a picture of a couple. It makes me so mad that I’m jealous. These are all things that I’ve been thinking about as I’ve gone through my instagram tonight. I’m not proud of myself and I really do wonder why I’m not dating anyone or why I’m not married. And then a really reassuring thought came to me(thanks Heavenly Father) and it’s that He has a plan. I don’t know what it is and I don’t know how it’s going to happen, but He has one. He has the guys picked out but we’re all on different timelines and we’re all doing different things. I will be married some day and it will be because of His plan. He knows what’s going to happen and I know I’m going to be married. It will happen one day, I just need to be patient. I think that He’s just waiting for me and for who ever this other guy might be. God is showing me what I want and then saying “but not this one” and though that’s hard, it’s good. When I do get into a relationship it’s going to be hard and it’s going to be fast and intense. I need to be prepared for that and that’s what God is doing. He’s preparing me. 

Homesick

A couple of weekends ago was a rough one. It was not great, like no part of it really. Since coming out to start college in Idaho, a state I was completely unfamiliar with and where I knew absolutely no one, I have only been truly and deeply homesick a couple of times. More often than not I’m homesick right as I’m leaving home. As in im still in Hatfield and I’m saying goodbye and all I can think is “I just really want to be home. I don’t want to leave. No part of me wants to leave.” But when I get to Idaho it’s fine, I still hate saying goodbye to my parents, but they’ve only driven me out to Idaho once. Usually I fly out to Idaho by myself and by the time I’m onto my second flight I’m okay. A little sad to be away from family again, but getting better.

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Musings of Ireland

It’s Presidents Day weekend so no school Monday! Yay for dead people! Anyway that’s not really the point of this post though, today I’m thinking about Ireland and I’m missing it. Well to be honest I’m always missing Ireland in some way or another and granted that’s usually how I feel after  big trip. I always miss whatever country I was in, Ireland was different though. I just loved it so much and I truly truly fell in love with it’s outright beauty and history.  Continue reading “Musings of Ireland”

Tonight

Earlier I was going to write about my day and my annoyance with roommates and friends and school, but I didn’t. I held off because I just didn’t want to write and I’m so happy I did. I love my sister Mae. She is beautiful and smart and fun and kind and adventurous and strong and powerful and courageous and lovely in every way. She is one of my favorite humans in the entire world. I really mean that. She will always be to the top of my list of people I will always choose and always love no matter what they do. I love her and she inspires me all the time. The courage that she has to talk about what she’s gone through and still remain optimistic and so full of love. If I could be as strong and as loving as my beautiful sister then I would be doing something right in my life.  Continue reading “Tonight”

Sunday?

Okay so it’s not actually Sunday, it’s Tuesday BUT I meant to make a post about Sunday and I’m waiting for class to start so why not now? So on Sunday kelly decided that she wanted to take her senior pictures. She bought a cute dress, her hair and make up loooed amazing and she felt great so that’s what we did. 

Cassie took the pictures and I was the driver. It sounds mundane and not very fun, but it was great! We all looked amazing and so we also took pictures of just the three of us. 

Can I just say: we nailed it??? Like damn we look good

Anyway that’s all there is to this post. We looked cute and I loved everything about it. 

Saturdays

Today is Saturday and it’s the kind of Saturday that everyone is supposed to have. I did no homework. None. I will regret this hugely tomorrow, right now though? I don’t really care. This is how my wonderful day went:

Woke up at 10:30 stayed in bed on our phones and chatted until 11:30 when cassie and I decided that we had to leave bed and go to R-towne cafe right on main street. We got biscuits and gravy, hot coco, a huge cinnamon roll, and 1 pancake. We are, chatted and had a really good time. Came home and decided to be lazy in the living room for a couple of hours. I played sims, face timed with mama, aunt Martha, jack, and dad and then I talked with Mae on the phone for a little bit.

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