It’s been a hot minute

Hey there blog! I know it feels like I’ve forgotten about you, but no worries, I haven’t. Life just got busy™. I am going to make more posts about things that have happened that I want to write about, but for now I’m going to just do a brief update. 

It’s 1:21am on July 15, 2017 and I graduate college in 3 days. Wow. I hadn’t thought about it in such short numbers until now. I feel like I’ve just been waiting for this to happen for the past 4 years and now it’s here and I sort of don’t want it to be? I had a plan for my life way back then and that is not what my life looks like now. I’m not going to say what I thought it was going to be like though because there’s no point in dwelling on things that hadn’t happened. But now it’s here! Becca, my mom, and the two kids are driving up through Canada to get here for graduation, and then my dad, Mae, and Macca are flying to Utah on Monday to meet up and then drive up with Nate on Tuesday. There’s a lot happening. 

But tonight and really this whole week, there has been a looming cloud over me saying “you have to say goodbye to chandler, marissa, and bennett, this weekend” and it’s Friday. Chandler and Marissa left today for Yellowstone so I said a brief goodbye on Thursday. Which I loved because I like short and to the point goodbye with a lot of hang out time that leads up to the goodbye. But tonight cassie and I had to say goodbye to Bennett. He came over and spent the evening at our house. He came over at like 10 and left at 1. 

I was holding it together. We said we’ll this is it I think. Gave hugs. Said come over anytime you want tomorrow morning. And then he left to walk home. The door shut. Cassie locked it, looked at me and started to cry. I couldn’t look at her because then I would start crying and I told her this. The good thing is that we made it upstairs before we both really broke down and hugged and cried. Bennett had been an incredible friend this semester. We saw him regularly and he fit into the weird and sometimes odd friendship of me and cassie. He just got along with both of us perfectly. And it wasn’t us saying be friends with us and forcing it, he also wanted to hangout with us. He wanted to see us tonight before he left even though he still had his clean checks to do. And on Thursday he came to the movies with us even though he had an essay to write. And those are just the small and most recent moments. 

I’m so happy we could develop and form this friendship. And that’s what makes tonight so hard. We don’t know if we’re ever going to see each other again! What a horrible thought. It’s true though. This is what no one tells you about college. You make amazing friendships. You get into this awful habit of saying a cheap-o goodbye at the end of the year because you know you’ll see them again. But then senior year happens. And people are going to Colorado, Texas, California, Idaho, and Massachusetts, and you’re not sure when you’re going to see each other again. Some of them, like cassie and Allegra and Kelly, you know you’ll stay in touch and that you’ll see them again. But other friends, you’re not sure. No one knows when you’ll be able to hangout next and see each other.

That’s the sad and awful truth about graduation. I’m beyond excited to see my family again. I haven’t seen any of them since January! It’s been too long. I’m also so excited to see anna and Mal again and be home. But the thought of not knowing when exactly cassie and I are going to be together and if I’ll ever see Bennett again. Man that tears a hole in my heart. 

I love the people that I spent this semester with. I hung out with friends so frequently, we went on adventures, made new rituals, made future plans, and I like to think that we made little impacts on each other’s lives. I’m signing off for now because cassie is currently asleep with her phone on her forehead and laptop still open and bennett hasn’t texted us to tell us that he’s home yet.