i’m slowly dying

Hello Hi it’s been a good long time since I’ve made a post but here I am. Procrastinating homework and knowing that in the next two weeks I’m going to die. I’m just going to give a quick lay down of everything that I need to get done in the next couple of weeks. 

  1. On wednesday I have an annotated bibliography due, it’s about the evolution of gender roles and I need to cite 15 different articles in perfect ASA reference.
  2. On Friday I’m taking the PRAXIS. You know, that really big important test that teachers have to take? Yeah that one. Me, a person who is not in any sort of education major or minor has to take a very major teacher test. So that’s cool.
  3. I have to finish and finalize and make sure that everything about my senior portfolio is perfect.
  4. I need to start preparing for my exit interview which is going to be happening when my portfolio is due.
  5. On the 29th of this month I have a big project for my sociology of religion class due about the Calvary Presbyterian Church in Rexburg.
  6. On either the 28th or the 29th of this month is when my exit interview/portfolio is due.

In total I feel like I’m dying. I feel like I’m not going to pass my senior seminar class, the most important class I’m taking. And because I’m so focused on this class I don’t think I’m doing as well in other classes and I’m not paying as much attention to what I need to be doing in those classes and I’m afraid I’m going to fail. That’s not an option for me. My whole family is expecting me to pass all of my classes and to graduate this semester. Everyone is coming out for my graduation, friends and family included. I can’t fail because if I do then everyone is going to hate me and no one is going to want to come out to visit and then I have to tell everyone in my family that I didn’t actually graduate. And not just like my sibling and parents. But like my mom’s entire side of the family because there’s a family reunion. I would have to tell everyone that I didn’t do it.

So that’s what’s been going on with me and my life. I’m afraid I’m not going to survive this month. I have no idea what’s going to happen in July. All I know is that I’m going to die this month and probably have at least 3 more mental break downs. I already had one this month. I was sitting in the temple and I couldn’t handle my senior seminar class and I called my mom and I just started crying. It was good and my mom was a huge comfort to me. She always is. Anyway. I’ll try to type more and make more blog posts so that when I do actually fail I can see this and know I was right or if I graduate I can see this and feel an incredible sense of relief.

MBDC (mental break down count) – 1

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